The inner voice

​A woman can lead boardrooms, build teams, and carry heavy responsibilities with grace… but it hurts when the person she loves most still questions every overseas trip that helped shape her journey.

The more countries I experience, the more I realise every trip carries different lessons, perspectives, and growth. Not every overseas journey is about glamour,  sometimes it’s sacrifice, pressure, learning, and representing the work I’ve built so hard for.

You wanted me to grow, to lead, and to excel… but growth sometimes comes with flights, long days, and experiences beyond home. I don’t need constant doubt or negative remarks about every trip,  just understanding, trust, and support for the woman you once encouraged me to become.

Sacrifices

It has been a year as I watched him leave every weekend, my heart heavy and sad with the silence that followed. I longed for the family and couple moments we used to share, yet I held back my words, tied my tongue, knowing how much his work and dreams meant to him. 

Weekends and holidays were meant for laughter, love, and togetherness. But instead, they have become reminders of the distance between his work and our family. I wish i had told him sooner how much his absence on weekends and holidays feels like a loss…a loss I carry with quiet regret, knowing time cannot be reclaimed. Seeing other families creating that priceless bond with their families outings and gatherings just make it worse for me . Hence I carry my sadness deep down that somehow led to a certain resentment for him. Weekends are the only time I have to detach myself my work and focus on family but it’s otherwise for him. While the world rest , he labours and as I admire his dedication , my heart quietly wish he had a day job.

My sacrifice was quiet but profound as I set aside my own deep longing for togetherness so he could pursue the path he was passionate about. In my heart, I wrestled with the fear of losing the precious bond we had built, but my love kept me steady, hoping that one day, my sacrifices would lead us back to the moments we once cherished.

I wish I had the courage to tell this but it will just mean I am being the selfish wife. I wish he would be a little more understanding to my needs than just going back to the night life he has committed to leave back in 2010.

Waiting Game

I just cannot wait for my lil' one to come out to see the world .. It's been a roller coaster pregnancy process for me this time .. A good half up and a not so good down time. Let's hope my lil strong one inside kick the water bag soon.. 2 more weeks baby!

Bedtime Bugs..

I sure cannot sleep and have to officially declare and welcome my worst enemy.. bedtime bugs !!! To continue my previous thread on pregnancy, here are some thoughts about my last trimester...


Reflux with a vengeance! Call the firemen coz my heart is burning !!
With increase in abdominal pressure pushing up against my cute stomach, there is just less space to digest huge volumes of food. Double whammy.. in the first trimester eating is difficulty due to nausea I find this trimester, eating is difficult due to limited space. This causes me to also feel blardy asthmatic and simply breathless ..

Things I find helpful to combat this includes:
- small frequent meals
- avoiding foods high in oily fats (like fried foods)
- avoiding my usual foods that aggravate reflux like mint, caffeine, chocolate, tomato based foods etc. Arrghh I sure miss my tomatoes and caffeine 😨

Miserable excruciating lower back pain..
I especially experience this whole night when bedtime is about to come and when I'm climb out of bed in the middle of the night to head to the bathroom. Often I find myself bracing myself with my arms and needing to take small baby steps until I work out the kinks. Sometimes the pain shoots down my legs. I probably could avoid or alleviate a lot of this discomfort if I would exercise more and use heat to relax the muscles. Sadly only my emotions exercise very regularly this pregnancy round 😂😭😢


Oh.. then there is the joys of leg cramps...
This usually occurs in the middle of the night when I'm stretching my legs. Ouch! It can be quite painful. When this happens I know I'm not drinking enough fluids. Eating more bananas and foods high in potassium would probably help as well... That's what my dear Gynae said.


Braxton Hicks or false contractions
These actually can be pretty painful. It basically feels like tightness across the belly and can usually be relieved with hydration. Warm baths, changing positions, deep breathing are all measures to help relieve the discomfort. However, one needs to be careful because sometimes these are hard to differentiate from real contractions which may be early signs of preterm labor which I had with my 1st girl Adriana.

Finally... to sum it all ..interrupted night time sleep...
Whether it is from constantly needing to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or simply the difficulty of finding a comfortable position to lie in... sleep is interrupted. Few more weeks and I'll soon have a newborn to wake up to every 1-2 hrs. Now based on the amount of kicking I feel in the middle of the night these days, this kid is probably not going to sleep very much during the hours of the night.


So these are some of the discomforts of pregnancy that I experience . Again some folks have a fabulous 9 months of pregnancy all glowing and symptom free. I think it helps to know what may be experienced so things can be done to either alleviate or prevent the symptoms.


I really should have stayed more physically fit through the second and third trimester of my pregnancy this round. I truly believe it would have made a big difference. Guess it is not too late to start...

Coz I'm a jolly damn good fellow

...Just need to remind a person that I'm only pregnant and not handicapped.. I truly believe this person just lack EQ...I am a normal human being and I have the right and can be in whatever place I want to, even in my 9th pregnancy month.. If u happened to be ashamed of my size and image now and would not include me in your social circle, pls don't bother having me around you even in your most needed time. I should be your best accessory around .. And you shud be warn that in my confinement period, I'll quickly regain my hot image back and you darn jolly know that everyone would view me from the little corner of their eye and wish they have a piece of me or be me..

Rub a doubt doubt...

I have once heard that someone gave very good footrub to their "then" partners... It is so much needed by me now .. Why can't I get to experience that so called best food rub or whatever rub you proclaimed is good ..? Sob sob.. Such an upsetting and disapponting feel 😢 if I have to ask for it .💔

Coming into my last trimester of pregnancy, the sore aching joints and constant heartburns do not help at all in my nights. Ironically, I hate bedtime as it's those moments where I will twist and turn my aching back and make that regular pee visits..

I need a stay in masseur for my nights..kinda of disappointed that no extra TLC💋 has been showered during this much needed times .. The most "excruciating " aching times when all I needed is back and foot massage ... Can't wait for March for my delivery and can't wait to resume my normal working life back again ... I don't know how I will live my 16 weeks confinement and maternity leave .. Just not me to be confined . Only consolation is I have my masseur with me for 10 great days .. I might even consider 14 days treatment ..

My Mr Rub a Doubt Doubt.. Where is the love....?!!!

What a swing!

As I am sitting here in Bali Waterbomb Park awaiting for my kids to finish their rounds.. I am still wondering why people have mood swings. We wasted almost 2 hours trying to calm mood swings which affected all other moods in the hotel room. I think people with mood swings are selfish human being. Even if bad mood swings are permissible and there are rules surrounding it, have your swing before your bedtime, in your own space and not at the breakfast table pls.. They should know how contagious their mood can be and what it radiates to others... At the end of the day, I will just blame the owner of the bad mood swing for the whole wasted day .

Random thoughts

FreakBook

It's really FREAKING me out! It's like the new face, the new dawn, the new straits time and the new toilet..even the new sleeping partner !

Before bedtime, you will touch, see and caress FB and the 1st thing you do when you are awake is to on FB from iPad and start staring at it ! WTF! Don't you look at your partner when u wanna sleep or when you 1st wake up?! Where 's the "goodnight sweetheart, sweet dream, sleep tight" and " gd morning sunshine" and a nice morning peck...What's happening to the human mental, physical relationship and bond ? Has technology and virtual relationship taken control of your life ?!

Ohhhhh God, how much I hate Facebook now !